Tuesday, August 03, 2004

reluctant leader

yey! after one month and one day of gruelling, fast paced action. our GA is over and done with. and the only thing i can say is... whew!

i sure am glad that it is all over and done with. and after all the evaluations and talking while, and right after the GA, there are is one thing that i have realized that i cannot turn my back away from anymore. aadc needs a leader. and (un)fortunately, no matter how i try to deny this, the yoke has already been placed on the shoulders of my boss and inevitably on mine.

hah! that is really something for someone who has already setting sights on newer "pastures." how about that for someone who has been fed up and has felt unsatisfied about his job? this is for someone who has asked for something more.

but somehow, someone must have heard what i have to say. He is not actually giving me what i want (at least not right now) but he is ultimately "leading" me to a direction. and i feel privelaged to be offered this opportunity to be of service, even if i am reluctant to lead. even if leadership has been suppressed to a memory, i find instances where people has almost shoved the meat to me. there is ipe, who has constantly pushed me to the wall to do better; orland, rhea and beth who has challenged me to show my own brand of leadership; and in general, the 7th GA who has dreamed of better local communities. the faces of the GA, together with their hopes has created an impact on my job in AADC as it is.

this could be a declaration of sorts already, and it scares me to bits. and i don't even know if this would be true by the end of year. but that is how i ride the waves of life, by gut, by declarations that are stated more by what i can, rather than what i want. by those directions pointed to by my inner compass, even those that are seemingly hard to swallow at the moment.

i hit my finger with a hammer last sunday while trying to help ninin with her curtains. and today, the dead blood that formed under the skin looks even more unsightly. but i cannot help but remembering that the strike that hit my thumb was when i felt the most tentative. i know that i can hit a hammer pretty well, mr villar, my grade 5 work education teacher made sure i learned that, but the moment i doubted my ability, was also the moment that screwed my poor thumb.

a fitting reminder on something that i would be taking into form in the next months.

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