lonely

so lonely... so lonely... so lonely...

so goes the coffee break island covering a version of the song by the police. great band... the police, great cover, full of energy, full of reggae!

i was blaring with the band, because i know that deep inside one soul is lonely tonight. i tried to shrug it off, and took a deep gulp of the beer in front of me, another draft of yosi with the head swinging wildly from side to side. i hope it can fake enjoyment... i hope it can mask the pain that is inside.

this morning is not different though... i feel even lonelier because i am raring to go home to davao. but more than anything else, i miss her. or probably the illusion of taking care of her. i call it illusion, because it is just that. an illusion of loving someone, without expecting anything in return.

a loving gaze, a gentle touch, an affectionate longing in my eyes that is almost always met with accurate mislead. i just smile how she does it so well. how we would text each other with everything from nonesense to anything from the mind to the heart, and everything in between. how we would just hang, mostly with her officemate... and one time with the other half of null... (mejo ouch yon, buti na lang dimsum dinner is there...) and how she would say "mahal ko sya" to every good artist that she likes.

hahaha eluding everything, but always inviting. at least that is how i picture her.

i am in no hurry though. my heart has been bruised and broken. and i would not want to include her in the misery i am in. i contend myself with the gaze, the touch, and the longing of being with her.

in the meantime, sting will continue to sing out loud... and my heart beats along with it.

... and the illusion goes on.