phases of the face

June 21, 2004 was a long day.

i started early, but was surprised to find rhea earlier. was i glad to start monday with her early. i just hoped and prayed that she could continue this streak throughout the week...

then off to more business for me, writing, writing, talking, and still more writing. facilitating, then more writing, and more writing again. texting and yes more writing.

but that did not make my day long?

maybe my long day came from a lot of thoughts just before i entered sleep. i was playing with my mind and realized three phases where i am in. these are:

* waiting - for a sudden flash of inspiration perhaps, for someone perhaps, for 6p perhaps, for the weekend perhaps? but it surely has taken forever for that one to come. but the thing is, i am longing for something to happen, but don't know what exactly it is. i remember Toh Lark, my boss in my thomson days. he would always say "patience is not one of my virtues," whenever he is made to wait. and must i say i am almost there to blurt out those famous lines.

* changing - change seems to happen so fast these days. i was telling ninin how pre-JVP and during JVP was different with post-JVP. it was how change has come so fast. before it was always a refresh to have to change. it was quite easy, because change happens at a very slow pace, sometimes, i even invite change.

but things "changed" more than a year after year-end. change is happening so fast, i cannot seem to keep track of it. most of the time it has become an unwelcomed one, like breaking up (from a relationship) or moving out (from the jvp house), or stepping forward (in the office in her absence), and a lot of other instances where i move.

* keeping - keeping up, or keeping things. i feel that i am still desperately holding on to something, or someone.

three words that end in "-ing." three ideas that seems to contradict with each other. three phases that are in a blender of sorts, interacting with each other, pulling away from each other, creating chaos within.

i woke up kinda late today, trying to articulate my thoughts. somehow it doesn't make sense. but what else is new? that is why i am the complicated person that i am.