Thursday, August 12, 2004

pre-training jitters

a few hours from now... the training on poverty incidence monitoring, data analysis and interpretation for the localized anti-poverty program II is set to begin. but instead of the usual participant, i would be the facilitator. been doing a lot of these things since i started with development work. and i must say the same feelings visit me, everytime the time comes around. here are a few of those:

- my stomach is turning. not for a lack of food, stress perhaps, but more on the anxiety on the training. thoughts are already racing in my mind, "did i prepare for the training?" "was i able to cover all bases?" "am i worthy to be the facilitator?" questions that remain unanswered, even through the course of the training. right now as my fingers type, i feel acid swishing in my stomach, almost coming to a boil.

- i want to sleep it off. sometimes, i wish that the training is just a bad dream that will go away if i shut my eyes real hard. but no! it is the real thing, i still find it difficult to start off a session in which i would be at the front of all people. i fear for their expectations. times like these, i wish for the comfort of my bed.

- no matter how i brush these off, they simply would not go away. hopefully, it would turn out the same of the other trainings, wherein the fear vanish along the way. right now, i let my stomach turn and my eyes grow heavy, for the training starts in an hour.

almost lunch time, boy am i hungry.

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