Monday, September 20, 2004

contemplating diving

i have a person of many fears. i am afraid most especially those that concern space. in my history, i have list my top three fears as: heights, falling and water.

ironically, one of my greatest adventures concerns climbing a 300 ft (or so) rock face, and rapelling over a dry river bed. four years ago, i joined the metropolitan mountaineering society. and as part of its training for new recruits is to for us to undergo the activities that i have mentioned at wawa in rizal.

first day was rapelling. that wasn't so hard, i thought. strapping myself to a harness and a rope that would guide me down and of course the able hands of the belayer. so then, i kinda convinced myself that i am only half as afraid of falling. of late, maybe i have come to overcome it. maybe i am not so afraid of falling after all.

next day was rock climbing. after downing a nice mixture of alcohol the previous night, i am ready to do what ever someone tells me. so when our trainor gave me the harness and said that i should already climb the sto. niƱo face, i gladly obliged. and with my back against the scenic picture of where bernardo carpio has been pushing against two mountains to keep them apart. i struggled against gravity and used whatever leverage i can, even my knee to push me higher. when i stood up on top of the face, i knew that i am already half as unafraid as before of heights. when the view came before me, it engulfed me with its beauty and i knew right there and then that the fear of getting up there and actually standing right tthere is worth it for the my bloodied knee and pulse pounding ascent. that scene is still one of the greatest view in my mind.

so there, that leaves my top three to one. water. for as far as i can remember i am so freaking afraid of water. i do not like the thought of being in water for so long. i thought of engaging in water sports, like swimming and beach-ineering. but somehow, the fear has continued to linger on. i thought what might be an activity i can try to help me.

so when she-she started talking about diving last weekend. my ears just shot towards the conversation. i was deeply interested on his stories of the deep. of the "wall" off the coast of the davao gulf. of the colors under the sea that shames the little mermaid animation.

for a guy who loves the beach, i am a shame. i even wear those silly orange life jackets when i go snorkelling. where is the pride of the outdoors when i am so afraid of it?

thus, while she-she was again bragging (so what else is new?) about the beauty of diving. something in me tingled and said that i want to try that as well! never mind if i am still a bit afraid of water. never mind if just a month ago a diver was proclaimed lost off the coast of davao, presumed dead.

as long as i can move closer to not being afraid anymore. i would do it.

now i just need a little reasurrance that i can do it. i set my sights on it, hmmmm my birthday is just around the corner, maybe that would be a nice gift for me.

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