Wednesday, September 01, 2004

quiet night

i went home last night after chikka-ing with shiva. i must say that the exchange was healthy and provided a lot of chances for thinking about questions, from the perplexing such as -- "what the hell am i doing in davao?" to the biographical "why o why did i leave the manila that i know?" o well questions that cannot be answered by words alone. i can be articulate but i cannot seem to fully show, say or express the answers to those questions. to some extent, they have been rhetoric, but still very interesting to think and talk about.

i thought of taking the quiet disposition last night. as i have been up and about in the past week for the most parts of the day and night. so i figured that i needed some space to be alone and rest my social skills. i took a jeep from the office to matina. but from where i used to get a tricycle to take me home, i walked and enjoyed the silent nite and the cool air. it felt good walking my pace, all alone and not a care to the world that i pass by. i just grabbed three pieces of oversized bread from franco's gourmet place near the philippine women's college of davao and ate it at home. but not after getting my laundry from anton rose inn.

last night was quiet and i seem to have enjoyed it. i was alone with about a boy by nick hornby. i finished it and was pleased of how different it was from the movie version in 2002 (with hugh grant, rachel weisz and the chubby boy actor, nicholas hoult). i was mostly laughing to myself and the way the characters tell their stories. i can imagine some scenes in the movie about the way Will (grant) and Marcus (hoult) talk and do their own share of hilarity in the world that they live in.

the book struck me as the meeting of maturity and keeping the kid in me. Will and Marcus 36 and 12 years old respectively, never really grew up and never really became a kid, referring also in the order. the job of hornby was then to journey with the reader on getting to the point of the matter, which is ultimately to "act our age." i do not mean the filipino connotation of age, which is more of numbers and bred with sarcasm. nor a one sided and often unfair looking at accumulating years, wherein expectations and stereo types are imposed.

rather i am talking about an age as the pope views his age (the oldest young person, as the world youth day in manila in 1995 has joyously proclaimed. and come to think of it, how age is viewed by secure and confident men and women who brandish the "done that, been that and doing it tomorrow" attitude. people who are not in a hurry, but neither late in relishing life and what it has to offer.

i respect these people who are wise and learned, emotionally and intellectually matured but who has never failed to have fun along the way. i say this maybe because that is exactly the person that i wanted to be. i know it would only complicate things along the way, but i just know that it has been some sort of a calling for me to be in this position at this certain point in time. (i muster my courage and said a little prayer as i write this paragraph though. for i know this is easier said than done)

at the end of the day, it probably is being someone that i want to be. never in a way other people dictate me to be, but in a comfortable spot of being true to what i am. much like the will and marcus at the end of the story.

pretty noisy thoughts on a quiet night.
ps. the filipino christmas starts today, the first day of september. as a true blooded noy-pi i would wish anyone who cares to accept my greeting: merry christmas!

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