Wednesday, September 08, 2004

wedding bells

i am running towards two weddings by December and January. the one in december is by my best friend in college - oca, and the one in january would be for my brother, omar. the best part of these two weddings is that i would be the best man on both occasions.

a small part of me feels a little bit insecure. imagine, "nauna pa si dico, bago si kuya?!?" and so goes with oca too as he about the same age as omar. maybe it is because of the "pamahiin" that has dictated me to feel this way. maybe it is the expectation that elder children must marry first. maybe the stereotype of a 27 (turning 28) guy is to already have a family, or at least seriously thinking about one.

maybe, the "maybes" leads me to my insecurity. but the thing is, i am not getting married ahead of them. and would probably be married, still later. or perhaps, never to be married at all.

at least that i know, and i take comfort in that. well, at least for now.

so what do i plan to do to confront my insecurity?

one "pamahiin" goes: younger siblings that marry ahead of their kuyas or ates must pay the latter. so maybe i can ask omar to pay up a thousand pesos or so,or a pair of the tope of the line teva footwear would be fine. haha, i could just imagine his face. and we would end up laughing and toss "pamahiin" altogether. because how could a peso or a thousand bucks, or a million at that get me to marry in time? and how should a pair of shoes dictate when to marry? ( as i am not even asking for dress shoes.) so that should take care of that bit.

as to the stereotype and the should be's... o well, pretty hard to address at this time. as the "pleaser" in me puts a certain amount of guilt. o hell, never mind. i say put it aside and just be. end of the sentence, end of the story. stereo types are for those who have not been able to define a class of their own.

unmarried or married. one state can never be better than the other. for each require a certain decision to be in that state. and once a path is chosen, it becomes a vocation to go through it all. working hard and enjoying the ride.

i am happy for oca and omar! and i have the best wishes for them... but i also feel that i would be happy too, to be their best man.
if i was feeling a little bit insecure a while back, i now feel a fraction less. wooooohhh, nothing like a few words and sentences that can help me cope.

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