I remember the last time I was at this exact same spot, that was more than a year ago, it was a Sunday in May of 2003. I just came back from manila. having made the choice to come home to Davao, I was alone those days, as my housemates then, lanie and dada are still at their vacation, and then batch 24 jvps have not yet arrived. I was alone but otherwise feeling peaceful and happy. peaceful and happy with my decision to stay on and continue my adventure with god.
interestingly, that same feeling was caressing me earlier. I was peaceful and happy in my solitude. peaceful and happy, not only because, today is my birthday. but more so because I have reaffirmed my choice to stay and continue my so called adventure with god.
when I said yes in May, I am just aware of the equal dose of joy and pain that the choice would entail. and I was almost right, for there were joys, but a whole lot of pain that came with it. pain and doubts that gnawed at my fingers and tempts me to let go. most of the days lately was a struggle to keep sight of my promise and to feel that god is still there to see me through.
while most of the time god was not there, or at least he does not make his presence felt, i have tried to remain firm and steadfast. for I know the quest is far from over. the adventure has only in fact just begun when I began to feel the joys and pains of being human in this part of the Philippines.
there are more lessons to learn, places to visit, hearts to touch, more hugs to experience, more growth to go through, and more of life to see, hear, touch, taste and feel.
that is my gift to myself. in my 28th year, I look back to where I came from and gaze forward to what the path has in store for me.