come to think of it, this weekend has really been interesting. for one, i have come to find the solace that i sought before i went home in manila. the realities of leaving is even clearer and fresher. it was so easy making the decision then, because manila is the home that i have left. yet it is still home because there is where the family of mel and ludy has come to establish five children into the world. and no matter how i tried to shun it before i would always be a manileño. the blood runs through my veins that still craves for some speed and a little chaos that is the city.
yet, the manila home has been all to perfect lately, up to the point of being surreal. ironic how we mindanao based jvp batch 23 used to say how our volunteer year seemed to be so surreal, dreamlike and out of this world. and now, after taking our different roads after year end, almost two years ago, i find myself here saying the same thing about manila.
and then yeah, it is because the manila that was home that i used to know has been spared of all the problems and hardships. no more pressures of living with the rat race of the corporate, no more stress with traffic. no more mothers to contend with, no more siblings to form and take care of. in short no responsibilities.
but still manila would still be home, even by lineage.
when the plane landed home in davao, while i smile to greet the morning, the pains of reality came crawling back in. here i am running a different kind of race, here i am running against myself. here relationships are limited, only a few friends and a whole lot of strangers that make up the day. here, no one takes care of me except myself. i have to clean my room and my cr, bring my laundry to anton rose. and in here, i am the only one who is responsible for, well myself.
that is why, davao has become a home as well. for it is where i am bitten and exposed to realities. it does not shield me from the elements, in fact i gladly face it head on here. and it is a choice to be here, to call it home, even if the bisaya still sounds awkward. for in here dreams were made and waits to be achieved. in here, commitments were sealed with promises of service.
davao is therefore a home too, by challenge.
my eyes has been heavy almost the whole day, lack of sleep. i look forward to cuddling in my bed. for in home there is also rest.