Sunday, July 10, 2005

a rare one on relationships

i have been on a high about my job in past entries. it was as if the levels would not stop escalating. just finished with facilitating a training on sustainable agriculture for farmers in sambag, ranzo, carmen, north cotabato. i did not give the technicalities but i was taking down notes and synthesizing the whole thing for the participants to gain greater relevance to it.


before i go on and rave about the stuff that i have been doing. i remembered a moment, just before i fell asleep last friday night. it was kinda cold outside the hut where we bunked for the night. jimboy is telling the folk tale of datu uto and how his seven eyes made him the most powerful datu in whole of maguindanao and how it prevented him from being deposed from power. mic mic has already dosed off. and moyet was trying to listen to jimboy's story. i can feel the surveillance of spy mosquitos traing their eyes on their victims for the night. i can hear them coming as they whisper softly near my ear.

all seems normal, but something in my head screamed out loud! actually it was the voice of ipe, who for the love of me, i haven't seen or heard from in a long while. i remembered that he used to talk to me about our job in my previous organization. he told me how having a healthy and loving relationship with someone, would definitely help me with the way i do stuff at aadc. but as my-story narrated, the same relationship, when it turns bad, could also turn work into a topsy-turvy mess! so much for the wisdom of the guy. after all he is a three like me, and would not be in a position to talk about relationships.

however, the thought made me think that i have been out of the girlfriend thingie for a while now. from the looks of it, i really do not see one coming by, or me passing through someone's life in the next months or so. well at least this is how i see this living alone thing. this independence thing. this, this i am single and am happy thing.

its not all that bad really. i feel that these past months were the msot times that i have felt "single!" i do most stuff alone. i cook alone, i pray alone, i (sometimes) eat alone, i wake up alone and i sleep alone. thinking about it, it's quite ok. i have learned to enjoy life and the stuff it presents to me as it comes. no rush whatsoever. no pressures to tend to.

and even if i can have a relationship any moment, i simply let those moments pass. its not that i am not ready or something, its probably, that i am pleased with how things are falling into place at the moment. and there is no rush to make things any different from what they are.

taking that pipe and hitting my head with it is still a dream away.

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