Wednesday, June 30, 2004

choice cuts

that is how i see it, reading yesterday's blog. it sounded like a wail or a moan on this beautiful wednesday morning. i can almost feel my eyebrows meeting at the middle, while asking myself..."where did this shit come from?"

funny how one's pain could move from the flavor of the day to yesterday's sappy crap. how the thing that has burdened and stretched my back could be the one i just flushed in the toilet this morning. or could it be?

i know that i have unwittingly carried a lot of unneccessary baggage in the last past few months, to wit:

1. my work that has turned into a claustrophobic space where i can not spread my wings,
2. a past relationship that rears its ugly head time and time and again,
3. issues on being alone, living alone and hopefully not leaving alone.

good thing about writing stuff down through a list is that it becomes easier to match them with corresponding turn-arounders. do i just love the way it grooves.

i got a chance to read through my june entries, and i have written somewhere that most things boil down to one thing... and that is "choice."

1. the choice to play the bitter employee who cannot seem to do his job well, or to be the sharp and cool team leader who wants to do the job great while having lots of fun.
2. the choice to stay in the shadows of a lost relationship, where hope is just another name for cigarettes, or to move on and open up to possibilities of staying happily single or to find a more meaningful love.
3. the choice to take on life alone blindly to sheild the ego from hurt, or to share it with people who matter, knowing that they have the capability to hurting the self more.

my choices seem clear, at least for me... (that is why they are my choices). and i pretty know what choices to make.

at the end of the day, that is what i would be accounted for. and being accountable and responsible is one of the things that i take pride in.

and that is liberating.

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