Monday, September 06, 2004

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

there was only one person in my mind throughout the course of the movie. i resented the feeling for i know she is not one bit worthy of memory. passing by the movie poster at the end of the show, the caption, as i remember it says: "you can erase someone from your mind, getting them out of your heart is another story."

and how true can this caption be.

over the weekend, simon's birthday party at the beach, drunken stupor with friends, sunday morning card game, trim in the afternoon and badminton smash in the evening, failed to dilute the movie. a simple movie with a real complicated plot. there i was doing lots and lots of stuff over the weekend, but can't seem to detach with my memory of her.

this morning, as my room started to light up, i came to realize that there is really no lacuna inc that would erase the memory of her. and probably i really do not want to undergo the procedure. for at the end of the day, i really do not want to loose all of her in my mind. for the many realizations i have made , for all those sacrifices, for the moments of joy, for the feelings of "belonging", for the company, for everything that has made the months with her, more interesting, certainly these memories can still serve a purpose.

the purpose of being human. to experience emotions, feelings and to become vulnerable.

much have already been said about her and me, much have been deliberated upon. and i say today, i accept what has transpired as a memory. or even things that could be told as stories that began with "when i was young..."


i guess beck was right in singing everybody's gotta learn sometime. and learning is when the memory is accepted as part of the process.

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