Thursday, September 23, 2004

ramblings under the sheets

how do i communicate with someone who has no capacity to listen? how do i clarify with her, when her statements are not logical even with her?

i am feeling angry these days. not only because my boss can't seem to offer direction for us, but more so because she is not listening to me. i am not saying that i have the answers, but i certainly can say that i have some ideas too worth discussing at that. maybe a question that can help her give directions of sorts.

i am unsatisfied because i feel so underutilized. and her idea of utilizing me more, is by dumping more work my way. but that doesn't work that way, see i need to be aroused to think, to be able to give exemplary performance, i need to have a spark of inspiration.

and thus, far this organization, nor my boss has given me any of those. but they were quite successful in pissing me off, by giving me stuff that i can do without. like more work... hahaha.

when i woke up this morning, i asked myself the reason why i still need to be at the office today.

... not because of the checks i have to sign.
... not because of the person who has refused to talk to me, but i still greet good morning whenever i come in.
... not even because of the ccodp and ford report that i need to write, otherwise our salaries could not be made... hah talk about placing the blame on the one who is writing the report, but i mean what's new? the overriding thought here in the office is "it's anybody else's fault, except mine." so what the hell, i do take responsibility for these pieces of paper. the saying "the buck ends with me," seems to be a taboo around here. so, might as well be the one to use it, while it is still rare.

anyways... before i dragged my ass out of bed, i made up my mind. i will come to the office today:

because, i still believe that we can still help farmers and fisherfolks. maybe the report i am doing would be able to bring more funds to use for our trainings. maybe, just maybe the thoughts in my head could be utilized to make a training module on something that farmers can use for business.

and maybe still, as long as that though outweighs all the other shit i have with the office, perhaps, aadc is still worth staying on... at least until the end of this year.

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