Monday, October 18, 2004


for some strange reason, i woke up at around 2a this morning. i tossed and turned in bed, hoping to find a perfect position to sleep. it got a little annoying after some time as sleep has simply vanished, walked out the door and wouldn't return.

could be the rush of caffeine (nescafe frothe, butterfinger flavor... sarap!) or nicotine (marlboro lights... heady) or prose (happy endings by luis katigbak... amusing), or badminton (smash and drop... exhilirating). could be any of those, or could be anything

as slumber took its time outside my door, i took it upon myself to think. i reflected upon many thoughts from the grand to the mundane. from the selfless to the selfish. seems like i thought as if there is no tomorrow (which i am glad there is... even just to write this).

i thought about how my 27th year seems to be a year of the status quo. somehow, it marked a year of romanticizing my jvp experience. tasting it and filling my ego to the brim of its sweetness. on the side, it was a year of a maturity that was denied. the call to move on has always been there, but i have chosen to ignore its faint calling. a few days before the 27th year ends, it calls me to a decision, a major one at that. i have written so much about this topic, but somehow, the hair on my arms and at the back of my neck seems to be standing on end, while typing away. and i am glad that i made a decision already.

i also thought about a theory i have proposed with yam yam, sunday afternoon while swimming with the ants in the sm weekend sale. i theorize, that things or people meant for you will, one way or another, seek you out. and as i lay awake on my bed, i realize that is not quite right. because the theory strips away the only thing that separates a person from an animal. free will. if all things meant for you seek you out, it presupposes that i just have no other choice, but to accept them. but the only thing is, how can i tell if it is really meant for me or not?

i really am tempted to discuss, but maybe not in this piece. in the meantime i leave as that -- a highly debatable opinion.

the faces of love also crossed my mind. found, lost, given up and found again. i never could really forget her faces. she has brought me here, and she would also be the one that would give me my one.

my train of thougths kept on running and running... and the next thing i knew it, i am waking up to monday, with an over-analyzed waking hour. i wonder when i would finally be in an analysis paralysis stage?

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