i woke up with the smell of rain outside our house, its touch swirling over me as i realized that i am waking up in davao again. when we went back to the office after lunch, i knew it is gonna be a wet afternoon. after an hour or so, the early drops of the rain splattered on the roof beside the window in our ilawan office. last time i checked when i lit up a ciggy, the heavens seem to be in a mourning mode.
i thought that it has not rained like this for a long time that i seem to have forgotten how it feels to have rain here. either i have been away most of the time to catch it, or i have been experiencing different kinds of rain in other communities.
while contemplating the semantics of the idea, a child came in ateneo uniform came passing by. he was small, about seven in age. he was not yet wet by the rainy afternoon, so i figured that he must have taken a jeep from school, alighted in front of the coca-cola village in matina and crossed the street.
he seems tired as he dragged his shoes on the puddles made by the rainy afternoon. it just kinda made me smile, as i remembered having that compulsion to walk on puddles, not caring whether my socks get wet, or whether my black shoes would dry in time for tomorrow. it was fun how the water would sound when i step on the puddles and how tiny droplets would cling to my legs and slowly trickle down to my ankles and socks. and i didn't even care whether the puddle was dirty or what.
i don't know what happened between those moments and the now. somehow the years have diminished the fun. maybe by the thought of wearing more expensive shoes, or the hassle of having wet socks to wear for the day make me think twice before stepping on one.
how i miss the reckless abandon of a child. why is it seem like that i always have to be careful, analyze the consequence of each and every action? before and during my manila stay, i planned a whole lot of stuff to do. i went home to davao and found that i have not done more important things that i should have done or said really important stuff that i thought was true.
i have been too cautious, too lazy, too quiet, too old, too afraid.
magsisi ka nga naman talaga sa mga bagay na hindi mo ginawa.
but i think it is never too late to redirect that. its still the beginning of 2006. maybe i should stop acting my age and be a child more. after all, i said when i turned 29 that i wanted this year to be memorable. maybe 2006 would be worth remembering if i would take more risks, more involvement, more commitmentl.
so let this year be a year of loosening up. of less thinking about consequences and more doing of interesting stuff. about less analyzing and more feeling.
and let the splish splash of rain remind me of that.