Monday, October 08, 2007

it was when i was walking home from mass

its been a while.

since my last post, i have been walking tiptoeing in manila. trying hard not to think too much about this thing and that. i don't want to convince myself of anything about this manila chapter. i mean if this is going to be happy, then let it be happy. if this is going to be difficult, well, maybe a little sucking up would not make it hurt too much. if this is going to be sad, well...

but what do you know, the approximately 48 days i've been here were pretty much ok.

sure, traffic still gnaws my insides. dirty streets still makes my eyes itchy. food, makes me fat, and drains my wallet. sure, it is still the old manila that i left five years ago. (well, the manila that i see when i go back for some vacation is an accomodating one, a fleeting one at that. she treats me like a visitor, so all the best accomodations for this boy. anyways...)

and it does not stop at those stressful and not so pleasant things. manila, is first and foremost where most of my friends are. friends who i grew up with, friends who saw me when i still do not know what to do with my life. friends.

i saw quite a bunch of them last sunday. their first comment was how thin i was. and immediately how fat have they become. she is now married, working quite successfully in ortigas. the other she is doing well in louisiana. telling us how she is making a living in the land of dreams. he brought his girlfriend of four years. we made it a point to put the couple in a difficult situation, but to no avail, what the have betwen them is quite strong.

when i was walking home from mass, that is when it hit me. in absolute clarity boom. it was there all along.

i have been enjoying my time in manila. what with family lunches every week. kulitan with the utols. ila and her funny face in front of the camera look. mom and dad in their concern over the brood. other friends who have seen me. drinking and eating and updating ourselves of the last five years.

movies, tagaytay and all those talking somehow now makes sense.

davao is such a nice place that it has been difficult to say goodbye. but, maybe this time, manila is calling me back to do another thing. or rather, i am finding myself back in manila not to do the grind, nor run the race. but this time, to do something fresh, new and exciting.

what would that be? well, lots of things, like, maybe this weekend could be a surfing weekend or a quiet meet up with jvp friends. at the end of the day, it is finding jerry in manila and being happy to be back.

thats not bad ain't it?

as i crept in my bed under my malong last night. i felt a mild drizzle outside and a quiet wind whispering. i closed my eyes, said a little prayer and told myself, with a smile.

i am home.

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